Truth be told, the main issue at the moment is that a lot of my time spent on the internet actually serves to make me feel bad about myself. I find myself comparing my life with people that I don't actually know and who are only showing a tiny percentage of what their life is actually like. I'm sure I'm not the only person to do this, and I guess its only natural, but we fill in the gaps to create a fantasy of a life that doesn't really exist. And yet, I keep comparing myself with it. I end up wishing and 'what-if'ing and coveting and all those things that serve to make me feel like my life and the things and people in it are not quite up to scratch.
And that really annoys me. Because I actually really like my life.
What's even more annoying about all this, is that I am currently spending more time thinking again about other women in countries that don't have the sort of life I am able to lead here. And I hate that at the same time as writing about women living in poverty, I am 'pinning' pictures of beautiful loungerooms that I wish I had, and envying the life of some gorgeous mother who surfs every morning and feeds her beautiful children only home grown food and has a photographer husband who cooks her restaurant quality meals every night and bla bla bla (I'm just making that up, but you get what I'm saying).
I'm not criticising people for only showing the better and edited parts of their lives on the internet. That's normal and just the way it is. And there are lots of blogs I follow that reveal the troubles and the problems and the mess that is life.
I just am finding it hard to learn how to benefit from all the amazing things the internet and this online community has to offer, while maintaining my values and priorities and not letting it make me feel like me and my life should be something better than what we are. And I'm not quite sure how this little space here can be an uplifting and affirming part of all of that.
I guess me writing this and sharing it here is the start of trying to address it and perhaps some breakthroughs will come along the way... we'll see.
I struggle with this at times too, Joanna (you've just written this so much better than I could have though!). Perhaps most people do if they are honest?
ReplyDeletethere are many wonderful things about an online community too though. i've just met a lovely new muma who has moved to canberra and contacted me through my blog to make friends as she knew noone else here.
but sometimes it's good to think about this issue every now and then...even if, at the very least, it serves to remind you that you do actually love your (real) life...
x
ps I always think it's a bit funny that I started my blog to record memories for my little one, but always get a little thrill when people comment on my posts.
Thanks Claire, yes it's true... there is much to love about this whole online thing. Just need to find my balance!
DeleteAnd yes, I always get a little thrill when someone comments - hard to believe sometimes that people actually read what I write here!
So thanks for writing! And your little Saskia is just divine. Hope you're loving motherhood... xx
totally...i feel like that too I love it and I hate it. Facebook feels like a dirty waste of time; pinterest I'm totally in my element I could do it all day but after a while I start missing words that don't come in the form of bossy affirmation posters. My blog feels neglected I don't just want to write it because it 'needs a post' and sometimes I just want to put pics up and not say anything but when I do I can feel the silence from bored readers. So I don't know!!! I think I need a holiday from the internet overall!
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